i'm mad, you're mad... we're ALL mad here

my first blog in a year...

2009-11-11T16:22:00.000-08:00

i sorta miss blogging and interacting on the various social networking sites that i used to be a part of. i really feel like i got a lot out of them while i was participating but right there at the end, everyone's annoyance with me just became glaringly obvious and the whole process was more hurtful than helpful. so yeah, like a moron i went and deleted my entire profile. sometimes i regret doing

sigh

2008-11-11T07:22:00.000-08:00

one more day after today. just one more day left in this place that i've called "home" for over 5 years now. i had intended on retiring from this job, you know? that's what i said when i first walked in the door. that no matter how bad things got i would do my best to stick it out until things got better again. i have plastered pictures of kensie all over my desk and cabinets so that i could draw

7 more days of hell

2008-11-05T10:51:00.000-08:00

and idk what i'm going to do. idk where to go or anything. i know that i have to move by the end of december but idk where to move to (or with what money.) idk where to look for a job because idk where i'll be living. and i can't find a new place to live because who's going to rent to someone who's unemployed?there are lots of jobs out there for me but none of them are "local". i'd basically have

OMFG!!!!

2008-10-31T08:04:00.000-07:00

there's this girl here (married with a child so... TOTALLY straight) that i don't usually talk to or have much of anything to do with. (she's one of the ones who's "taking my place" because she's a "sales assistant" now.) anywho, she's completely NOT my type but today's halloween and we all dressed up for work. guess what she dressed up as... a man. she's a fucking drag king and it's the hottest

as of today

2008-10-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

i am quitting taking all of my medication. my carafate, my prevacid, my elavil, my depakote... everything. cold turkey. and i really don't give a shit what happens. i'm done. i can't handle this any more. if i hurt, i hurt. if i get another perforated ulcer then i just get another perforated ulcer. i don't care. i'm just sick to death of dealing with doctors not believing me and trying to

my favorite quote

2008-10-27T13:07:00.001-07:00

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."~ Anatole France

i just want to quit

2008-10-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

taking all medications because obviously they're not doing a damn thing for my migraines. but idk how to quit without causing problems. and without telling my neurologist because i want to quit seeing him too because he isn't helping me either.FUUUCCKKKKK YO!!!!!

i want to go home so bad

2008-10-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

but i can't. i've had this particular migraine since thursday i believe. nothing's working for it. i finally went to the er last night but since i drove myself they couldn't give me "the good stuff". what he ended up giving me was a shot of zofran and a shot of toradol. and i didn't realize until i got online and started researching that toradol is an NSAID and we had just got through talking

do you love it?

2008-10-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

LOVES IT!!!my halloween costume this year... my friend martitalinda sent me two boxes of clothes and one of them contained this beautiful dress and then i got the shoes for $1 at the salvation army yesterday, lols!!! i'm either going to nashvegas for a halloween party on the first or else i'm going to try and talk vann and ashley into going to quest in birmingham that night (but it's a gay bar so

thief!!!

2008-10-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

okay so remember my last blog about the stupid bitch that katie was staying with and how she had some rings that belonged to me? well, i didn't know what rings she was talking about and i texted her yesterday to tell her to bring them to me (ALL OF THEM!!!) and then i'd forget she even existed. she got all haughty with me and said that she didn't know who she thinks i am, blah, blah, blah and

asexual

2008-10-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

"Lacking interest in or desire for sex."yup, that's me. i am officially "asexual". i will never be with another woman or man again as long as i live. i will never allow another person to be close to me. if you know me online that's pretty much as close to me as you're going to get because the whole "in person" thing? it just ain't happenin'. i have been ruined. i don't trust anyone anymore and i

so idk what to think right now...

2008-10-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

saturday i got a couple of texts from katie saying not to text her on the phone she had been using (that she got from the people she's been staying with ~ the people who ruined our relationship in the first goddamn place!) i didn't know what was going on so later in the day i CALLED her phone because i thought she meant i was running up her texts or something and to call instead. well no. turns

can your eye explode from a migraine?

2008-09-30T07:13:00.000-07:00

this is what i think of every time my migraine is pounding in my right eye (like it is right now...):

so whatsa girl to do????

2008-09-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

i'm really confused and i need SOMEONE ELSE to make the next few life altering decisions in my life FOR me (please?)as we all know by now, i have a job until november 12th. then i will receive a lump sum check totaling 10 weeks of pay and i will have insurance coverage through the end of november. after that i can pay out of my own pocket for COBRA (which is MASSIVELY EXPENSIVE!) or just... be

an update on "whatever your "thing" is, please do it today..."

2008-09-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

so here's the deal. i just got called back for my meeting and yuppers, i got the axe. but it's cool, it's all good. (that's what i'm telling myself right now anyway.)i have a job for the next 45 days and then i have to turn in my id badge and never look back. i will have insurance through the end of november, a 10 week severance package and then unemployment and cobra insurance.

whatever your "thing" is, please do it today...

2008-09-26T07:20:00.001-07:00

we're being called into meetings individually later on today to be told about the upcoming changes in our department. so, whatever your "thing" is, if you pray, if you swing chickens, if you burn incense... whatever you do to wrap someone in positive energy, please do it for me today especially. i have no clue at this point what is about to happen. and i honestly don't know what i *want* to have

my eyes are burning

2008-09-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

and my entire head is tender to the touch. i feel like my eyes are popping out like a lizards or something and they hurt so much. they're dry and burning and swollen and tender. idk what the dealio is, why i can't seem to shake this migraine, but i just want it gone. i got the call yesterday that my mri and mra have been approved through the insurance so we went ahead and scheduled them for this

gotta loves the migraines

2008-09-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

i gots broken blood vessels in my eyelids from the constant pressure and i'm still waiting to hear from my neurologist's office about having an mri w-w/o contrast and an mra. in the meantime he's calling in something "stronger" for me to hopefully get rid of this lingering pain.i've done a bit of research and it appears that i'm having what marcy has which is "status migrainous" which is very

monday's musings...

2008-09-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

lols, didja catch the double meaning in my header? lols!!! "monday's musings"? because... today is monday... and my nickname... is monday... and it's musings on monday BY monday... haha. :~/anywho, i'm not really sure what i want to talk about right now. maybe i'll just ramble a bit and get some stuff out there and see wth's on my mind. right. okay. so here goes:i had to work this weekend. hbg

it feels so good to purge

2008-09-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

...toxic relationships and prying eyes from my life. i only wish that i could somehow make THIS blog selectively private but idk how to do that. (wish i could block all the "anonymous" people from viewing it.)*sigh* okay, so what that's all about is the fact that i went and made my oh.com profile private and also deleted about 8 pages worth of "friends" (<--mostly people i don't even know or

got the zomig

2008-09-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

took it two hours ago. no relief. tried calling my mom to see if she would take me to the er in decatur for a shot if i drove over there after work and just let me and kensie spend the night at my grandparent's house tonight. she said that i don't need to drive that far with a migraine (1 hour) and to just call a cab to take me to the er here for a shot. but i can't do that!!! do you know how

migraines suck ass and steal your soul

2008-09-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

just got hit with one forreals. but i'm not taking the phrenalin. i have two left but i refuse to take them. hopefully my insurance will let me fill my zomig today and hopefully that'll work. (cross your fingers and your toes for me please.)

day 3 and counting

2008-09-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

i'm struggling, and even having legitimate pain from overdoing it with my house the last two days (lifting heavy boxes over my head and stacking them in the tops of the closets, even though i'm not supposed to lift, push or pull anything 10 pounds or more right now due to this hernia) but i haven't taken anything stronger than children's tylenol, and only four of those at a time. (the bottle says

sigh

2008-09-16T10:48:00.001-07:00

nutty died yesterday morning sometime between his 2:30am feeding and his 6:30am feeding. we had taken him to see violet the day before and she said that he had grown out of the shoe box we were keeping him in and to go ahead and put him in his cage. unfortunately though, i didn’t have enough lamps on him and i think he got too cold :, ~( it was very heartbreaking because we had spent so much time

i swear to fucking god man!!!

2008-09-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

i hope they DO outsource our jobs and i can sit at home and collect unemployment and take care of nutty. FUCK YO!!! i've been bringing him to work with me every day this week and have had the FULL SUPPORT of my direct supervisor and lots of other people that i work with. he's just an infant and he sleeps in a shoebox on my desk and doesn't make any noise or even move around until i go to feed him

if you have something to say to me

2008-09-09T07:55:00.001-07:00

then just say it goddamn it! don't fucking go behind my back and run your trap! there's nothing i hate more in this world than lying, backstabbing bitches!!! (well, except maybe cheaters, child molesters/abusers and animal abusers... oh, and taxes. yeah, definitely HATE taxes too.)

and for only $20/year...

2008-09-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

YOU can be an animal rehabber TOO!!!lols, the wildlife place FINALLY called me back just now and talked to me about "nutten honey" and while i was explaining what i had been doing with him she interrupted me and asked if i'd be interested in becoming an animal rehabber myself. WOAH!!! seriously??? i told her that yes, i'd be interested but that i was concerned about the cost involved. she said

it's tough to be a squirrel momma!

2008-09-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

**sigh** so yesterday afternoon (evening really) me and kensie were outside working on a project for her school and we kept hearing this tiny little squawking sound. kensie kept asking me what it was and i just shrugged my shoulders and said that it was probably baby birds waiting for their momma to come back to the nest or something. well, about that time she saw something on the ground out of

this morning, despite eating stew and yeast rolls for a late supper

2008-09-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

last night, and then this morning...

2008-09-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

last night and all day yesterday i was very very sick to my stomach. i ended up waking up at around 11pm to use the bathroom (AGAIN!!!) and just for "shits-n-giggles" decided to weigh myself just to see what had happened and this is what i got:(the body fat% at that time was 11% as compared to the 13% i got when i was 103-ish.)then this morning at 6am i had to get up and get ready to get kensie

oh lord, what have i done???

2008-09-05T11:48:00.000-07:00

i ordered some bbq from my hr person's church and it was delivered just now. i haven't eaten in ages so i figured i'd heat up some of it and eat it. BIG MISTAKE!!!! i've had about 6 bites of this bbq chicken and it's greasy greasy GREASY and my gut feels like it's going to EXPLODE!!! damnit, and i knew better too! argh!!!!

i'm living off of

2008-09-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

my fiber drinks (which thankfully contain the majority of my vitamin supplements), diet sodas and chips. this can't be healthy. it just can't be. and the scale proves it! going down, down, down the rabbit hole... where it'll take me ~ nobody knows.

and going down more and more every day...

2008-09-04T06:51:00.000-07:00

one update thread and then i'm going into lurkdom ~ so please don't worry when you don't see me on oh.com

2008-09-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

and i won't be responding to the posts in this thread either, just so's you know. it's too hard right now. i'm here though. i'm reading. and i love every last one of y'all.i came into work today filled with complete and utter dread. i dread the daylight, i dread the nighttime, i dread the people, i dread the work... i dread LIVING LIFE right now. it's very hard to "be me" but i'm trying. honestly

transfer addictions ~ how do i save myself before i o.d.??? please help me...

2008-09-02T12:27:00.000-07:00

**sigh** ok, idk if you guys remember or not but earlier this year i had problems with laxatives (dulcolax, specifically) and in the fall of last year (and the summer and spring too i think) i had an addiction to chocolate ex-lax, although i didn't dare admit to that one. well now it seems that i'm addicted to pain pills, nausea suppositories, muscle relaxers, sleeping pills and pain/nausea shots

the claddagh, what a crock!

2008-08-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

a traditional irish wedding ring called "the claddagh", the circular band forms two hands holding a heart with a crown on top, and signifies a bond of love, loyalty, friendship and lasting fidelity between the giver and the wearer. the ring is given with the phrase of the claddagh: "with these hands i give you my heart and crown it with my love."

girl scout cookies

2008-08-22T14:20:00.000-07:00

here i sit, a failed relationship in my lap, a dysfunctional family that's causing me to tear my hair out, a job that's going kaput and what do i do? i stuff my face wtih all abouts. i have sat here and eaten half a box of girl scout cookies in the last two hours. just cramming them down my throat, one after another...

and then comes the weekend...

2008-08-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

my boss went down to tuscaloosa today along with his boss, his bosses boss and the IT guy on sort of a recon mission to find out wth's going on and what we need to know about it. they weren't invited to go but they took it upon themselves to try and gather some information about how *safe* our jobs are right now. apparently we might also lose our jobs to some people in tuscaloosa. we *might* be

i'm at peace now

2008-08-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking and thinking and trying to get a game plan together and here's what i've decided to do. i'm currently in the process of getting my work samples together so that i might have a nice portfolio when this is all over with. and i've also got my resume together and have put out a few "feelers" to try and test the market and see what i can come up with *just in case* this actually

please help me

2008-08-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

apparently the whole "move to manila" thing that i was so concerned about last week is going to be happening a lot sooner than we anticipated. actually, in all honesty, i may not have a job come september 1st. so now i'm trying to get into "self preservation" mode and trying to figure out wth i need to do to ensure that my daughter and i aren't just left out in the cold with nowhere to go. i dug

BITCH!!!!

2008-08-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

god i hate how easily influenced by other people i am. have you ever heard the saying "insanity is contagious"? well, it's true. especially for those whose sanity is already somewhat in question (as mine most definitely is.)i'm extremely angry right now. i've been dealing with increasing migraine attacks over the past couple of months and have been trying to gain control over the situation with

and the emotional eating begins again...

2008-08-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

well, not really. i haven't done anything bad *yet* but i know that i will. we just had a meeting at work and discovered that about 90% of our department will possibly be unemployed in the new year. great. just fucking great. i've been here for 5 years this coming monday. i've put in a lot of time and effort with this job. i know the people that i work with and get along with them fairly well. i

do you have a cell phone?

2008-08-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

because i have a cell phone. and i have unlimited texting on it too. do you have unlimited texting dear readers? do you ever get bored during the day and just wanna text to cheer yourself up? because i get that way sometimes. wanna text me? i'll give you my number if you have unlimited texts and we can be texting buddies ;~Plols, j/k, but not really. so pm me with yo numba if you ever wanna text

ok so here's the deal

2008-08-13T12:14:00.000-07:00

so wednesday of last week katie was off of work (as usual) and was attempting to set the house up after our move. the thing is though, she has add (undiagnosed but still...) and can't focus on any one thing for very long. so when she does things like this and i come home it looks like she hasn't done ANYTHING because she's partially done SOME things (but never completes ANYTHING!) so she started

migraine.

2008-08-12T13:06:00.000-07:00

sudden and severe. i'm about to throw up. dizzy, can't see straight or really control my movements. and i'm sweating a lot. i'm in the aura phase i guess. can't see straight and get dizzy when i change what i'm looking at. it's like i have thick coke bottle lenses in my glasses. i've never had aura before. everything's really loud too. and my hands/arms are really heavy.

i'm single again

2008-08-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

yeah, you read that right. katie and i broke up. and i really don't have anything else to say on the matter right now. maybe later on (today? idk...) i'll feel like giving details but right now i'm just not up to it so i'm just going to concentrate on working.

she pisses me off so damn bad!!!

2008-07-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

*sigh* i want to choke my girlfriend. i love her to pieces but sometimes (99.99% of the time...) she can be the biggest fucking BABY!so we're in the midst of moving, right? and i spent my entire vacation week working on things in the garage (going through stuff from our LAST move and getting rid of things/putting things in storage so we won't have so much clutter and won't have so much to deal

my commitment to better health

2008-07-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

here lately i've noticed that the carb monster has had a strangle-hold on me as well as the chocolate demon and i've got to stop that in it's tracks. i've gained a bit of weight (thanks to my new migraine med, elavil) and i want to fix this before it gets out of hand. (i've only gained 10 pounds but still, that's 10 pounds more than i like to see. it could all be water weight but i really think

a little white lie?

2008-07-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

so yeah, i lied. i posted a thread on oh.com today that claimed that i am 103 pounds when in fact i am 113 pounds. but i WAS 103 pounds just three weeks ago (i swear i was. i even took a picture of the scale to prove it!!) but i've been taking elavil lately to help prevent my migraines and the neurologist warned me that it'll make me want to eat a lot and to be careful. and he wasn't kidding!!!

gonna dot his eye!!!

2008-07-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

i swear man, wtf's up with all the rude-ass people these days???there's this guy (old man really) that works across the alley from where i work. every morning when katie drops me off in the alley beside our back door he comes FLYING up the alley and honks his horn at us and throws his hands up in the air like "wtf??!?"my god man!! it takes me two seconds to get out of the car, gather my

pics from the memphis zoo this weekend

2008-07-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

WOAH!!! seriously???

2008-06-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

so katie went and filled this prescription for imitrex for me and i don't think i'll be taking this right now ~ or EVER for that matter! (idk... maybe...)first off, it was expensive as hell.secondly, it says "it is best to inject a dose of this medicine as soon as you notice symptoms of a migraine attack." and well, today marks the 15th day of this damn "attack".and finally, under the list of

and the saga continues...

2008-06-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

only this time i'm not talking about the migraine (that i STILL HAVE!!!!)*sigh* so yesterday i came across a random $20 and sent katie to the store to buy food so that we could have well... FOOD. there's this grocery store here that has specials on their meats where you can get 5 packs of different types of meat (chicken tenders, hamburger, fish... all different kinds of stuff) for $19.99 plus

whew it feels good to pay the bills.

2008-06-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

well, not really but... sort of. i have tons of past due medical bills and since i've been "hiding" money from my girlfriend i figured i'd better put it to good use and do something well... USEFUL with it. so i've been taking all of these stupid hospital bills and stuff to work with me (the ones that i usually throw away without even opening, lols!!) and logging into my checking account and

day...? whatever. it continues.

2008-06-25T06:20:00.000-07:00

yet again. another day. another migraine. another day that i wish i could just blow my fucking head off!!

idk what day it is...

2008-06-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

but i still have a migraine. i went to see my new pcp today and she referred me to a neuro. i go see him on the 2nd. meantime i'm to continue with the topamax as prescribed (until i see the neuro) and she also gave me a prescription for imitrex to try and get rid of this migraine. so idk... we'll see...

fucking migraines

2008-06-23T07:45:00.000-07:00

i have a 9:00am appointment with a doctor tomorrow to try and figure out wtf's up with this migraine that will. not. go. away. (i'm currently on day 11!!!!!! or is it a series or migraines? who knows...) hopefully i'll get a referral to a neurologist which will mean another appointment and testing but (fingers crossed) hopefully that'll also mean an END to this stoopid pain in my (arse) head! any

the internet is a good thing

2008-06-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

since yesterday was payday for me and we didn't have any food in the house worthy of katie's taste buds she asked me if she could borrow my debit card to get something to take to work to eat. well, being the idiot that she is, instead of just *USING* the debit card and *NOT* incurring any additional atm fees she went to an atm to withdraw money (DUMBASS!!!!) i say it this way because there isn't

DRUGS!!! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!

2008-06-19T12:29:00.001-07:00

omg my fucking HEAD!!! just chop it off fer cryin' out loud!!! i wonder what the guinness world record is for the longest migraine ever...

ouchy magouchy my fucking head hurts!!!!

2008-06-18T06:13:00.000-07:00

goddamnit. another day. another headache. when will it all end??? seriously, somebody please send me some goddamn lortabs. i mean FUCK YO! what the hell does it take???

i feel like shit

2008-06-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

flo hit me really fucking hard today. i hate that bitch. i knew that something was up yesterday when i kept falling asleep and just generally didn't feel good and didn't even want to go to point mallard. and then when i went to the bathroom first thing this morning, FUCKING HELL MAN!!!!! STOOPID BITCH!!!! so now my back hurts, my abdomen hurts from cramping, my pouch hurts because it gets grouchy

swimsuit pics

2008-06-14T12:18:00.001-07:00

edited to add: i realize that sometimes my pics exceed the width allowed by blogspot. i have yet to figure out how to fix that other than to inform you that if you double click on the image it *should* open a new window with ONLY that picture in it.i was shopping for some exercise clothes in the clearance section at target last night and came across this swimsuit for 75% off. i think i just might

it would be nice if...

2008-06-12T12:09:00.000-07:00

i got to drive my own car more than just once a week. this fucking sucks. katie brings me to work every morning and i fucking have to sit here until she gets off of work because she's too goddamn lazy to bring me my car at lunch or to go in to HER job when I go in so that I can have MY OWN CAR. FUCKKKK!!!!!! i hate this goddamn shit!!!! and then she gets mad at me and says shit like "well how was

YUM this was GOOD!!! wish i had pics to share, maybe next time...

2008-06-11T10:43:00.000-07:00

so since moving into this house with the wonderfully big kitchen with lotsa cabinets and lotsa counter space i have taken to cooking and experimenting in the kitchen a LOT more than i used to ;~P this is my latest creation and it is YUMMO!!! (inspired of course by that sweetheart that we all know and love... EGGFACE!!! :~D)1 italian herb carb down light flat out wrap1/2 package tyson chicken

my girlfriend is manic depressive ~ yessiree bob she is!!

2008-06-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

Manic Moneyby LimboHave to go spending,All built up inside.Grab up your parcels,Go run and hide.Start to feel guilty,Still have to pay the rent.Take it all back,Every dollar you spent!If the urge strikes again,Go with plastic instead.Shop 'till you drop,Come home, go to bed.From Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaBipolar disorder is not a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders defined by

The Walk From Obesity

2008-06-09T11:35:00.000-07:00

I will be helping the ASBS Foundation and Obesity Action Coalition fight one of the nation's leading causes of death and disability at the Walk from Obesity and would like to invite you to participate.If you cannot participate, your donation will help in the fight against obesity by providing much needed funding to support our efforts. The obesity crisis is an epidemic and your support will help

i am way too trusting and it's about to stop right. fucking. NOW GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-05T15:05:00.000-07:00

i was sitting here a few minutes ago trying to figure out our bills and what all we need to pay this week and how much our paychecks are and everything and trying to figure out if we'll have enough money to get passes to the local water park this weekend and guess what? i (stupidly... or, not so stupidly ~ you be the judge.) went online to look at my cell phone bill. i haven't opened the bills

someone please kiss me because i'm being SCREWED!!!

2008-06-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

ok so on top of all the crap with my granddad and drama, drama, drama with my daughter and my girlfriend and money and all that bs and my teeth and vitamins and health issues and the dogs and GAAAH!!! EVERYTHING ELSE!!! we found out last week that our landlord has decided to sell our house. our house that we just. moved. into. i mean seriously. we started moving in around the end of january and

18 months out and feeling great!!! :-D

2008-06-03T08:22:00.001-07:00

today is a day of reflection for me. i am a little over 18 months out from a surgery that has forever changed the scope of my being. though i will never be her again, she will forever be a part of my soul, double burned into my vision. this is the girl that i see in the mirror... no matter what. this is the girl that i am deep down inside, in my heart.**sigh** so... i have been super morbidly

i'm PERFECT!!! :-D well yeah, actually... i AM! according to my nut anyway...

2008-06-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

this past tuesday was my 18 month surgiversary (wahooey!!! ) i went on wednesday to see my nutritionist and to also do the "inbody 520" again. if you guys haven't ever done this it's this neat little machine kinda like a scale and they have you stand on it barefooted and you hold these little bars out to your sides and it sends electrical impulses through your hands and feet and it tells you how

my grandfather has leukemia.

2008-06-02T07:29:00.000-07:00

we've known for a long time now but we've been waiting to hear from the various doctors about how bad it was and if he needed chemo or not, etc, etc and turns out that yes he DOES need chemo and will begin that this summer. and that's about all i know at this point. my grandparent's are taking care of my daughter this summer (well, they're sharing that responsibility with my mom) but there's

an update for those STILL concerned about the lax. situation

2008-05-24T22:34:00.000-07:00

ok, here's what i've been doing: i drink 3-5 of these concoctions each day. i have a 24 oz. bottle of vitamin water that i get each day and i drink about 3-4 ounces out of the top of it to make room. then i put in one strawberry-kiwi flavored special k2o protein mix packet, one strawberry flavored crystal light packet and then two pink lemonade flavored all bran mix packets. then i freeze it for

not that it matters or anything but...

2008-05-24T22:31:00.000-07:00

i may not be online again until monday, june 2nd. i *might* be taking a vacation next week. but idk yet for sure. i put it down on the vacation schedule but then my boss flipped his shit and said that he likes to reserve those particular weeks for when people have death's etc. whatever... so, i might be here, i might not. if you don't see me then i guess that means i'm taking a vacation. either

see? this is just wtf i'm talking about!

2008-05-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

our utilities are due today. actually, they're gonna be shut off at 5pm today if we don't pay them because we've already put off paying that bill and have gotten a disconnect notice. so i asked katie to go pay that bill this morning since she doesn't go in to work until 11am and i go in at 8am. it's now 9:30am and she still hasn't paid the bill. and now she's talking about calling them to tell

sperm donor ~ what a moron

2008-05-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

lols, i just found kensie's "sperm donor" he has a new myspace page. he's such a fucking retard. i hate him. he used to be soooo attractive: what the fuck happened???oh, i remember. yeah... he turned into an asshole and started doing meth and NOT claiming OR taking care of kensie or his other kid and ran off to california with his younger brother to be a "musician", lols. dumbass...

did i do a bad thing??

2008-05-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

since katie and i have been living together we've been a "paycheck-to-paycheck" sort of household and the majority of the time it's the NEXT paycheck that we're living off of. (which means that things get shut off and have to be reconnected and fees assessed ~ yadda yadda yadda ~ and this puts us even more in the hole.) this has been driving me absolutely INSANE especially considering that now

ok, so i'm an asshole. so what??

2008-05-19T11:48:00.001-07:00

watcha gonna do about it, huh? nothin', that's what! you're just gonna sit there and take all that i have to dish out because you LOVES it!!! ok, forreals yo... here's the scoop of the day. last week i went to my new pcp to take a glucose tolerance test. i guess i passed, idk... and then today i was sent to a cardiologist to request a tilt table test. he said eat more salt. that's it. no tilt

argh!!! now what??

2008-05-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

so now bitty's all sneezy and coughy and idk wtf's wrong with that little fucker. i swear to god man, if he fucking dies i'm gonna KILL him!!!

the artist in miniature

2008-05-13T06:25:00.000-07:00

mornin' y'all!! me and kensie and katie went to kohl's the night before last and were looking at some of their clearance items and trying on some things and katie just kept bringing us stuff and bringing us stuff, lols. i normally don't buy stuff brand new (lols, imma thrift store kinda girl most of the time) but if it's clearance priced then i've been known to bite on occasion. she kept bringing

i wish i was small enough to...

2008-05-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

crawl under a rock. because maybe then nobody would notice me. nobody would buy me things. nobody would be mad when i didn't appreciate the fact that they spent money on me. money that we need for BILLS and GROCERIES and PRESCRIPTIONS. if i was small enough to crawl under a rock then maybe people would forget about me. maybe people would forget what i look like. maybe they would forget how fat i

they're gone.

2008-05-07T08:10:00.000-07:00

katie just took jazzie and miley to the pound. we tried and tried to keep them hydrated at home but it just wasn't working. the vet said there wasn't anything much we could do at this point since they'd already had their shots. it was really just a matter of keeping them hydrated and waiting it out to see what was going to take over ~ the shot or the parvo. i'm guessing the parvo won. i couldn't

sigh i just can't deal with this right now

2008-05-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

so basically, my puppies are dying. all of them. well, all except for bitty. (thank god not bitty!!!) this is stressing me out so much and i honestly just can't handle it. and my tooth is broken. and it's gonna cost $150 to fix it but there's no guarantee that this "fix" is going to even get me out of the parking lot. the insurance won't pay a penny on it because i just had this damn tooth filled

when it rains it friggin' pours...

2008-05-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

oh jeez, now what? could anything else possibly go wrong in my life right now? please??? come on higher power, whoever you may be... BRING IT ON!!!! i am positively sick to death of "this" and "that" and "the other thing" going wrong ALL AT ONCE!! i mean heck, if you're gonna peck away at me WHY NOT JUST KILL ME NOW??? go on, strike me with lightening or attack me with locusts or WHATEVER. just

rip chelsey-girl, momma loves you!

2008-05-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

one of my dogs died this weekend. actually, she was still a puppy. she was less than 6 months old and contracted parvo. for those of you who do not know anything about parvo, it is a NASTY virus that KILLS dogs. (usually puppies but dogs too.) if you have a dog i beg you, PLEASE go get them vaccinated. if you love your animals or even if you just "tolerate" them PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GO GET THEM

you know...

2008-05-02T11:35:00.001-07:00

you guys can leave comments on these blogs if you want to. i mean that's kinda why i posted the feed link in the first place... it's ok. i promise.

spent yesterday evening in the er

2008-05-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

for two weeks+ i've had thin, stringy-looking ribbon-like stools that are very soft & lots of loud abdominal noises.then yesterday afternoon i had a sudden intense abdominal cramp or spasm followed by wave-like pains of less intensity below and to the right of my navel & IN my navel as well as nausea and pain when i press on my abdomen.i went to the er after work. the bloodwork, urinalysis and my

what do you do...?

2008-04-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

when you suspect something horrible that could shatter your world and that may or may not have happened or that could possibly happen at some point in the very near future? do you confront the person? do you go along blindly and "hope" that you’re just being a paranoid neurotic mess... as usual? or do you try to "fix" something that may or may not even be broken?edited to add: THIS is what i was

hmm... what to blog about today... gossip? SURE!

2008-04-28T09:33:00.000-07:00

i think i'll delve into some thoughts that are rattling around in my head today. first, i want to talk about michelle and betsy. maybe tomorrow i'll talk about my girlfriend katie. and then maybe the next day i'll discuss my daughter and my grandparent's/mom's role in her life. so, first things first. michelle and betsy. betsy is a girl who USED to work at one of the local rent-a-centers. for

bored. at work. not working. wanna go home...

2008-04-25T15:50:00.000-07:00

**sigh** i'm supposed to be working. but i just can't seem to make myself do anything right now. i'm trying to surf the internet to occupy my time until katie comes to get me but unfortunately, i have reached the end of the internet! (lols!!! not really but still... you know??) i went to the chiropractor today because my left knee has been hurting a LOT lately and my left calf has also been

b-12 deficiency (pernicious anemia??) and gastritis??

2008-04-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

so i went for my scope yesterday and discovered that i do NOT have a stricture nor do i have ulcers in my pouch any longer. i DO however have gastritis which is why i've been belching so much lately and have been bloated and also having such horrible "gut wrenching" pains.i don't recall everything that my surgeon told me yesterday after the scope because of the anesthesia but i seem to recall him

i'm doing what i CAN so lay off already!!

2008-04-07T08:02:00.001-07:00

ok, just so's y'all know... i'm in a GREAT mood today (no really, i AM!!! i'm being totally serious right now, despite the angry smiley on my header...)so over the weekend i got some pretty nasty emails and also some not-so-nice comments on previous threads, blogs, photos, etc and i just want to take a moment to address these issues.1) YES, my avatar is ME.2) NO, i do NOT like how i look.3) i am

MEMEMEMEME!!!!!

2008-04-02T07:02:00.000-07:00

this is just a repost for those that may or may not have seen where i responded with it originally.i saw my surgeon yesterday and told him as many details as i could bare to tell him and he sort of shrugged me off and told me to ween myself off the laxatives. (i told him the "plan" that i had come up with to try to reduce the amount and he said and to do it myself.)he's planning on scoping me in

need moral support please

2008-03-31T07:47:00.000-07:00

so i'm going to see my surgeon tomorrow morning and i need some moral support. there's so much background info related to this and i'm not sure how much i need to list here because i'm not sure who's going to be reading this and what (if anything) y'all know about me and my journey. i guess i'll start out by listing everything i can think of and just directing y'all to my blogs for further

scare me please

2008-03-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

yeah, i can google with the best of them but you guys are sometimes tougher on me than my own momma (and that's saying a LOT!!!) and that's really what i need right now... some TOUGH LOVE. i know that i need to seek professional help. i know that you guys cannot REALLY help me here. what i'm asking for is some good solid scare tactics with cold hard facts about laxatives.i KNOW that laxatives are

whew!

2008-02-18T07:32:00.000-08:00

ok so i'm still not feeling so great guys but hopefully that's just the aftereffects of YET ANOTHER abdominal surgery. (and for the record, i feel much better than i did 4 days after my OTHER abdominal surgeries, lols!) anywho, i'm sure that anna and renee were able to update you guys as to everything that went on last thursday but i figured i'd better check in now that i'm at work and have

i have a TIME!!!

2008-02-13T12:32:00.000-08:00

ok y'all, my day is finally here!! (LOLS!) i go in to ecm tomorrow at 7:45am for my exploratory laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and d&c (fun fun!!) with dr. woodford. my girlfriend katie will be there with me and will be caring for me after i come home. she also will be phoning renee (reneea aka i_ride_my_harley) and anna (magdalena aka anna g.) to let them know that i'm ok and what the results were.

I AM NOT FAKING IT!!!!!!

2008-02-11T14:56:00.000-08:00

ok so what's with all the doctors these days? why is it that every time i tell someone that i'm in pain they act like i'm lying or like i'm faking it? OMGS!!! i'm SERIOUSLY in some HORRIBLE PAIN right now! i had to go to the er this weekend to get a shot because the pain was so bad that two lortab 5's wasn't even taking the edge off. so the doctor this weekend said for me to go back to the er if

yeah... i suck. just so's you know...

2008-02-11T08:30:00.000-08:00

just thought i'd log in and give everyone a quick update. please forgive the ramblings found in this post because i've just chewed up two lortab 5's and imma bit looooooo-peeeee so anywho, i guess i'd better backtrack a little bit here... friday when i left yoos guys i had a pretty nasty migraine that i'd been dealing with since i woke up that morning. i had called my new pharmacy and asked them

shouldn't this be getting better by now?

2008-02-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

as most of you know (and if you don't just read back through some of my old threads) my b12 is EXTREMELY low right now and i've had to start getting b12 injections once a week for 4 weeks and then once a month thereafter.so i've gotten 3 shots so far and i'm a little bit confused about this. the nurse that i spoke with at my pcp's office said that i probably was having difficulty thinking and

what the he!! is wrong with me??!?

2008-01-27T18:07:00.000-08:00

i haven't been online during the weekends for a good while so some of y'all might not remember me but just go back through some of my previous posts and you can get caught up on the history or whatever.so anywho, for those of you that already know what's going on and for the others who cared enough to research and get caught up ~ here's the latest.somehow in the past couple of weeks i have

i'm mad, you're mad... we're ALL mad here

my first blog in a year...

*sigh*

7 more days of hell

OMFG!!!!

as of today

my favorite quote

i just want to quit

i want to go home so bad

do you love it?

thief!!!

asexual

so idk what to think right now...

can your eye explode from a migraine?

so whatsa girl to do????

an update on "whatever your "thing" is, please do it today..."

whatever your "thing" is, please do it today...

my eyes are burning

gotta loves the migraines

monday's musings...

it feels so good to purge

got the zomig

migraines suck ass and steal your soul

day 3 and counting

**sigh**

i swear to fucking god man!!!

if you have something to say to me

and for only $20/year...

it's tough to be a squirrel momma!

this morning, despite eating stew and yeast rolls for a late supper

last night, and then this morning...

oh lord, what have i done???

i'm living off of

and going down more and more every day...

one update thread and then i'm going into lurkdom ~ so please don't worry when you don't *see* me on oh.com

transfer addictions ~ how do i save myself before i o.d.??? please help me...

the claddagh, what a crock!

girl scout cookies

and then comes the weekend...

i'm at peace now

please help me

BITCH!!!!

and the emotional eating begins again...

do you have a cell phone?

ok so here's the deal

migraine.

i'm single again

she pisses me off so damn bad!!!

my commitment to better health

a little white lie?

gonna dot his eye!!!

pics from the memphis zoo this weekend

WOAH!!! seriously???

and the saga continues...

*whew* it feels good to pay the bills.

day...? whatever. it continues.

idk what day it is...

fucking migraines

the internet is a good thing

DRUGS!!! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!

ouchy magouchy my fucking head hurts!!!!

i feel like shit

swimsuit pics

it would be nice if...

YUM this was GOOD!!! wish i had pics to share, maybe next time...

my girlfriend is manic depressive ~ yessiree bob she is!!

The Walk From Obesity

i am way too trusting and it's about to stop right. fucking. NOW GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!!!

someone please kiss me because i'm being SCREWED!!!

18 months out and feeling great!!! :-D

i'm PERFECT!!! :-D well yeah, actually... i AM! according to my nut anyway...

my grandfather has leukemia.

an update for those STILL concerned about the lax. situation

not that it matters or anything but...

see? this is just wtf i'm talking about!

sperm donor ~ what a moron

did i do a bad thing??

ok, so i'm an asshole. so what??

argh!!! now what??

the artist in miniature

sigh

sigh

one update thread and then i'm going into lurkdom ~ so please don't worry when you don't see me on oh.com

whew it feels good to pay the bills.

sigh i just can't deal with this right now

whew!