*sigh*

one more day after today. just one more day left in this place that i've called "home" for over 5 years now. i had intended on retiring from this job, you know? that's what i said when i first walked in the door. that no matter how bad things got i would do my best to stick it out until things got better again. i have plastered pictures of kensie all over my desk and cabinets so that i could draw strength from her, from being a responsible parent and doing things that i might not like just for the sake of a paycheck and a roof over my head. for her. for kensie, my darling daughter. she is the reason that i do everything that i do in my life (and the reason that i DON'T do certain things.) and she's also what's holding me back. i can't figure out what direction to take my career because i have to continue being "responsible". one of my oh.com friends said for me not to fall into the "paralysis by analysis" trap but i just can't help it. if i stay here i will be unemployed indefinitely. but if i move then who's going to PHYSICALLY be there for us in an emergency??? well folks, it ain't gettin' any better than this. i will *work* today and then tomorrow i will bring in several totes and pack up my belongings and at five o'clock i will walk out that door for the very last time. am i sad? yes, of course. and angry too. and happy but it's really difficult to grab that happiness now that the gravity of the situation is setting in.