i wish i was small enough to...

crawl under a rock. because maybe then nobody would notice me. nobody would buy me things. nobody would be mad when i didn't appreciate the fact that they spent money on me. money that we need for BILLS and GROCERIES and PRESCRIPTIONS. if i was small enough to crawl under a rock then maybe people would forget about me. maybe people would forget what i look like. maybe they would forget how fat i am or how thin i am or how ugly i am or how pretty i am or how bad my teeth are or how big my eyes are or how short i am or how frizzy my hair is or how big my hips are. maybe then they'd forget that i'm a graphic artist that never finished art school and still owes $40,000 in student loans. maybe they'd forget that i owe about $20,000 in medical bills from having a perf'd ulcer. maybe if i could crawl under a rock people would forget that my house is a mess and that my car is a mess and that my insurance is overdue and probably even canceled. maybe... maybe if i was small enough to crawl under a rock... people would forget to ask me if i've eaten today. and maybe i would forget to eat today. and tomorrow. and the next day. and maybe then i could fit underneath an even smaller rock. and eventually... maybe i could fit underneath a grain of sand. until it blows away... and takes me with it...